Time flying by

Where have the past 5 weeks gone?

How do I have a 5 week old baby? So much has changed in a short space of time… Which it would, I mean, I have had a baby.

So, lets reccount it. I gave birth, had a horrendous infection and retained products. I have been housebound for quite a large amount of time. We have had our ups and down. M has adjusted well. Baby J had a nightmare few weeks, until eventually we went to the doctors last week. Baby J has reflux, or at least that’s what we think. He’s been prescribed baby gaviscon and is a totally different baby now. 

He has started smiling and has massive smiles for his big brother. M loves this, although he tends to get in baby J’s face quite a bit requesting he smiles, if no smiles are achieved baby J is subjected to the “pllllleeeeaaaasssseeeeeee” only a child can pull off. To be fair, it usually works. 

G has still be working astronomical amounts, it’s made me quite stressed having to constantly dealing with two, but we are finding a rhythm at last. I’m eternally grateful to my mum and dad though who have been having M for sleepovers and making a huge fuss of him. It helps keep me sane and means M is seeing other people too. 

How am I? Well, I ended up going to the doctors the same time as baby J. The baby blues was hanging around longer than I’d have liked, but it wasn’t just baby blues. The anxiety started, the nightmares returned and the constant paranoia. The snapping and crying and being unbearable all returned. The black dog made his presence known to me and instead of ignoring him, I confronted him. I’m on sertraline now for post natal depression. It knocked me for six to begin with, I’m not going to lie. It made me so tired yet, unable to sleep. It’s still making me so tired but I’ve at least be able to sleep. I had also massively lost my appetite but that seems to be coming back now. I’m feeling a numb but I’m at least able to deal with all the tasks I need to. That counts for something right? 

Seeing these two makes it all okay though. The love they have for each other is amazing. 

We finally got around to registering baby J too, so he’s official now. He’s an actual person on the system. It’s taken us so long due to G working so much but at least it’s done. 

I’ve also celebrated my birthday. It was lovely, spent with my mum and dad. I was thoroughly spoilt. 

This past 5 weeks have been a massive roller coaster of a ride, but I wouldn’t change any of it. My boys are worth it all. 


The world with two

*sigh* I am all better, apparently. I have finished my antibiotics and have been discharged from the midwives. This happened on Monday. Relief at finally being discharged 22 days postpartum. I am feeling physically better. Emotionally I am drained.

I am pretty much exhausted. I have my good days and bad days. The last few days I have been an emotional wreck. G is still working all the hours, I am still housebound from having no car. M has been challenging, whilst brilliant. Baby J has been colicky. He’s been very vomtastic and several times we have had scenes not too dissimilar to the exorcist. I am half expecting to see him crawling up the walls.

Like with two is a challenge. It’s been a steep learning curve. Everyone keeps telling me how well I am doing, which is lovely and reassuring but it doesn’t stop me from feeling like I am floundering. Both boys are being well cared for, I am just tired. Bare bones exhausted. J is sleeping better don’t get me wrong, but they seem to work in tandem, my boys. J has a good night, M has a bad night. M has had several night terrors this last week. It’s ever clearer they are linked to G working nights. If M has a good night, J has a bad night. When M has a bad night I am on my own with no one to help. When J has a bad night I have a very tired G who needs to be up early for work the following day. There is no break.

It’s hard, it’s rewarding, it’s trying… It’s bloody wonderful. How can it be such a rollercoaster… that’s a typical day of feelings. It’s no wonder I am getting a little anxious and feeling my anxiety levels creep up. This happens when I am fatigued. I have had a few nightmares this week and a dose of sleep paralysis, which by the way is utterly terrifying! All of this is connected to lack of sleep. I am keeping an eye on my moods, I was horrendous yesterday. I barely spoke to G, I could barely look at him. He hadn’t done anything wrong apart from sleep through baby J crying. However, when I had been thrown up on for the third time that evening and let out a little cry of frustration he woke up and told me off for waking him up. He doesn’t remember that, but it happened and it got to me. Tiredness is making us both snappy. His from working so much, mine from being the caregiver.

Whilst I have found the last 4 weeks, yes 4 weeks! tough, it’s been amazing too. Seeing M become a wonderful big brother who clearly loves J stupid amounts already. Seeing J change and develop, I don’t care what anyone says, that little boy is giving us little glimmers of his beautiful smile. He has a glint in his eye that hints towards the mischievous. I still can’t comprehend how odd it is referring to my boys. Plural. I love it. I wouldn’t change a thing, I am so thankful to the support I have though and the fact I can have a little moan to people.

Life with two. Chaotic. Exhausting. Worth it.

Potty training the boy. Part 3


I am so proud of my little man. Today is the first full dry day. Not one accident. Poo’s in the potty. Wee’s in the potty. Asking to use the toilet when out.
He is amazing. I am so flippin’ proud. 5 days in and dry. I’m not saying it’s done, I understand that relapses happen, but I’m still beyond proud.
So happy.
Tomorrow will be a real test for him, and I’m a bit nervous about it. He’s going to my parents in law. I just hope they listen to him and he asks and he keeps up the hard work.
I’m also beyond terrified of him going back to preschool next week. I think he would be so upset if he had an accident in school, I’m just praying that they keep an eye on them. I am going to explain it to them on Monday and then pray….
He mentioned today how he really wants a boy care bear. If he has an amazing week next week I think I am going to get it for him, he deserves a reward. He’s ace.

Potty training the boy cont.

This is certainly a crazy adventure. One I’m pleased we waited to embark on. Like I said in my previous post here we had attempted to try before but it was stressful and traumatic for both of us.
Tuesday was a way better day than Monday, he seemed to understand needing the loo and we had the first poo! This is something I’m super proud of because I’d heard that poo was a difficult one to master.
Accidents were 4 total but part of that was my fault, I didn’t hear him.
One thing I have noticed is he is reluctant to use the potty, but will if I ask and explain that someone is already in the bathroom like yesterday.
Yesterday, G really annoyed me.
He knows that’s M is potty training and I’m not saying don’t use the bathroom and shower, life doesn’t stop because we have a potty trainer. However, I had explained the G that am was reluctant to use the potty. Anyway, M pee’d and Gary showered. Only thing is, M decided he needed the loo again! I banged the bathroom door, G said 5 minutes. M couldn’t wait. I explained he needed to use the potty and he did! Hurrah! Also aces because he needed a poo.
I was super annoyed though, 50 minutes in the shower! Doesn’t he know he also lives with a pregnant lady? Haha. My annoyance subsided because I was so proud of M.
All day yesterday there was only 1 accident!
We have a total of 2 pairs of pants that have had to be thrown away.
We are also able to use the loo out and about, no he realises that I am not going to let him fall down the toilet and flush him away.
Today’s is going well too. He’s doing great. I was worried when we went to the doctors because some of his friends were there. He was playing and being loud, I thought he’d forget for sure. He did say as we were leaving and he went. He’s amazing.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing, I’m happy we’ve waited this long. My little M is ace.

Funny things the toddler says

Today, M has been on top form.

Actually hilarious. He really has brightened my day.

Today is the first day that M has reccounted one of his dreams. He seemed ever so confused that I was telling him it was all okay now because he was awake. It obviously felt very real to him.

We were getting washed and dressed when he suddenly flung himself at me. He squeezed me tight and this is how the converation went.

M: I missed you so much my mummy

Emily: I am here sweetie

M: No my mummy, I missed you when I went to sleep at the rabbit house. I was in the rabbit house and all the animals talked all night. I miss you and mine daddy.

Emily: The animals talked all night did they?

*Getting animated* M: Yes! all night, in the dark. All night, noisy animals and I missed you. I missed my Roguey (our dog) and mine daddy.

Emily: It’s okay, it was a dream, you’re awake and safe now and mummy and daddy are here.

M: My mummy, I no go back to the rabbit house please

So… that was M’s dream about sleeping in a rabbit house with lots of noisey animals.

We were then on our way to do a little bit of shopping and drove past the park where M reccounted a time last year he went to the park with his daddy.

M: My mummy, I went to the park, I was a lion *roars loudly*

Emily: Wow, you did didn’t you?

M: Yes, daddy helped me. I sit on daddys lap. I hurted my leg.

Emily: Oh did you?

Daddy: He fell of the chair when he was having his face painted, so I put him on my lap.

M: Yes my daddy. I cried.

Emily: Oh no.

M: Yes my mummy, look, look me.

*I turn around to look at him sat in the back*

M: Look, like this *M then proceedes to scrunch up his face and pretent to cry* see. See my mummy. I like that.

I then laugh. He is a character and a half.

We were having our cwtch before bed when an advert came on for heinz tuscan beans, out of no where M declared “mmm, beans. I like beans” and that was that.

I often worry about him, as any parent does about their child. His speech may be slower to come along, but it really is coming along. He is constantly asking questions and observing. He comes out with new words and sentences that flaw me each and every day. I think the homework we have been doing since seeing the speech therapist is obvious. I am so proud of him and the laughs he gives me.

Even if I have had to listen to him repeatedly state he doesn’t want to sleep in the rabbit house again. Kids, they’re so funny.

The first ever sports day

Wearing his yellow Tshirt and his excitement for school, we set off yesterday for what will be the first of many sports days.
I was scared because I am still wary of the mums and don’t like being thrown in to situations anymore.
Off M toddled in to class and there I was, in the corner, surrounded by not many friendly looking people. I popped to the cake stall they had going and some how managed to part with £6.50
How you ask? There was a raffle which I just had to take part in…

“yes you do, oh you have £5 how convenient there are 5 spaces left! You must buy cakes, are you thirsty? Here have some cakes and a bottle of water! That’s £1.50 please. Next…”

A little stunned I went back to my corner and the mum of the little boy that invited M to his birthday came in. We chatted and ended up day next to each other in the sports hall. Another mum joined us and we all groaned when, after parting with another £1, could see there was a parent race at the end. (Non of us participated)
Then the littlies came in, all holding hands looking so cute and a little lost.
There were 4 groups: red, blue, green and yellow. The groups seemed to be split in to ages with yellow being the smallest of them all.
They all did brilliantly and the staff were amazing. The races were fab. Straight running, obstacle course, relay race and a few others. M seemed to enjoy and I really was very proud. It was a big proud mummy moment. I can’t believe my little man is growing up so fast. We are all about “ready steady go” and then we run. It’s cute. He’s cute. He even got a certificate for taking part god love him.
And, and… My parted cash wasn’t wasted, mummy won a price too! A 1L bottle of pimms and a pitcher! Kerching! Thank you very much haha.


So, I had a tweet this morning telling me off for spelling Juneathon wrong haha, I was given a forfeit of 10 push ups. 

I have as such done 10 pushups and learnt I have no upper body strength. 

My glum mood seems to have carried over into today, as well as a healthy dose of snot thanks to hay fever. I had so far, gone without an attack of hay fever so it seems my lot has arrived in one go. The OH had to pop to one of the venues that he works at and offered to give me and the toddler a lift down. We weren’t ready, the sun was shining so I decided we would walk. 

The toddler threw a tantrum when I told him we were going for a walk. Why he threw a tantrum I do not know, I mean he gets to sit down in his pushchair, so I do all the walking. I think it may have something to do with him also having an attack of the hay fever (although he’s already suffered this year) and generally feeling a little under the weather. I kept him off pre school today too because he had a bit of a temp last night, but that seems to have come down. Anyways, I digress. 
The only way I could encourage the toddler was to allow him to bring George (his toy from Pepa Pig) and his tablet. 

After these terms of negotiation, we set off in the sunshine. 

It was a lovely walk, although I swear he’s gotten heavier haha. So, today has consisted of 3.5 miles of walking and the 10 pushups. 

I am still feeling a little down, I am just so flipping tired. What can I do though?