Differences 

When you have a newborn, your first baby, everything can seem totally overwhelming. I was overwhelmed. There were so many different things on the market. I was 23 with a partner who had already had children and I allowed him to make a lot of the decisions. He was experienced. I was new and naive. 

Second time around, I was that bit older, that bit wiser and more internet savvy and I had a lot more mummy friends. It’s now I realise the differences. As well as my different approach to adjusting to a newborn and feeling more confident I came to realise there were things I wanted to do this time that I didn’t even dream of doing with M, one of them being baby wearing. 

I didn’t even know what baby wearing was with M, or the benefits of baby wearing. This time I decided I definitely wanted to I’ve it a go. As well as the closeness from wearing J, it also meant my hands would be free to do stuff with M and keep on top of things around the house. What I didn’t bank on was the millions of different choices of carrier and how addictive it could be buying pretties. I wish I had discovered a sling library to try stuff out in, I initially bought a stretch my wrap but couldn’t wrap it for the life of me. This led to me getting a close caboo dx, an easy stretchy but was also their hybrid as its billed as a soft structured carrier. I loved it, it made life easier and J loved being close. 

  

   
   
It’s made us very close and M enjoys me being able to play with  him. It’s become a bit of an obsession though. I also have a rose and rebellion carrier as well as a new Tula. It’s an addiction. 

Something else I have done differently this time, thanks to a helpful nudge from my lovely friends Amanda, Kelly and Katie, cloth nappies. Something I wouldn’t have even considered with M because the thought of extra washing and what not scared me half to death. 

J was in disposables when he first arrived and no word of a lie, 10 black bags of rubbish happened. With collections happening every two weeks it was staggering! So this started an addiction like no other. 

I am cloth nappy obsessed! The fact that is actually hasn’t increased my washing much and my black bag waste is down to 3 bags is a bonus. Include the fact that baby J’s bum is beautiful and clear I’m on to a winner. 

   
    
    
 
Another thing? Baby J is still sleeping in with us. M was hoofed out more or less straight away, which I regret massively now. I love having J in with us. Yes, it can get frustrating when he’s having a particularly bad night but then I generally pull him in to bed with me. It’s lush. 

Whilst this post may seem whistful and longing to turn back the clock to do so much more with M, it’s not. What I did with M still stands, it was still super magical but it was overwhelming. This time I’m more assertive, clearer in what I want us to do with the baby. If I could have more I’d have a football team. I am thoroughly enjoying this new part of my parenting journey. It’s made all the more fun by having M along for the ride. 

Parenting is scary, there’s no right or wrong. Every choice is individual. Do you know what I do with though? I wish we were all more supportive of each other instead of judging people’s parenting styles. Parenting, like I’ve already said is scary. It can be lonely, it’s a constant guessing game of whether we are doing the right thing. Trust me, you’re doing amazing. Parenting is shit sometimes, but for all the times it sucks, there’s a million reasons why it’s so perfect and amazing. 

   
    
   

Update of life 

*blows dust off the blog* 

My poor poor blog, it’s been a bit neglected recently. I honestly don’t know how I managed to write straight after the birth. I’m pleased I managed it because those memories will be super fresh. I’m going to put it down to adrenaline and the high post birth. 

So here we are now, a little while down the line. Baby J is almost 5 months old. He has two bottom teeth, he’s kept his hair. Baby J loves his big brother. They’re hilarious together. He is a proper cheeky chappy. He’s long and already in 6-9 months clothes. He loves to be carried in the baby carrier. He loves playing on his play mat. He’s mastered rolling over and is desperately trying to get on his hands and knees. He’s not quite sitting independently yet. He still feeds a lot through the night. He loves his tiger cwtchy. He has an eye for the ladies and can turn on his 100 watt smile instantly. He doesn’t like it when people startle him. The dog suddenly barking ridiculous amounts annoys him. He isn’t a happy boy if he falls asleep in the car and then gets woken up when the journey is done. He doesn’t like me trimming his nails. He won’t poo in a wet nappy (much like his big brother wouldn’t). He’s completed our family. 

M is becoming a proper little boy. His speech has come on leaps and bounds and he’s getting a lid on his temper and frustration. He was supposed to have started school on a part time basis in September but after a major cockup by the council wasn’t able to. He will instead start full time in January. This scares me. I hope he adjusts okay. He thriving in meithrin (Welsh playgroup) and is routinely spouting little bits of Welsh at me. He has a very keen interest in cars and has a fsboulous memory for males and models. I imagine it won’t be long and he will be helping his daddy tinker with the cars. He’s recently developed a relationship with his big sister (G’s daughter from a previous relationship) he loves her stupid amounts. Our family has extended outwards and it’s fabulous. It’s been a whirlwind, the kids have adjusted so quickly and like it’s always been this way. Children are wonderful and it’s made me realise how wonderful they are. M is still a fussy eater but we are combating it slowly. He’s become very clingy recently and wants nothing more than to spend ages having cuddles. The night terrors are here still and have been quite awful, he doesn’t remember them though which is good. M is a delight and a fabulous big brother, I am very lucky with my boys. 

I have been so up and down. Up and down, down and up. Some days I’m grand other days I just want to shut myself away from the world. I’m tired a lot of the time and tiredness is not my friend. PND is not my friend and my anxiety levels have been sky high. The medication helped to a point but I have had that increased. I am less shouty and more on top of stuff. I’ve had to pull a few shifts recently too and that makes me sad. Needs must though. 

Well now the blog has had a bit more attention I shall include some baby J and M spam.