Struggling 

Today my blog plays host to a dear friend of mine who is struggling. It’s an honour to give her some place she can be anonymous yet still express what she needs to. Love you girly xx 
Today I’m really struggling. 
I’ve just spilled my guts out to a online friend, someone I’ve never met but whom I know will understand. You see she has a rubbish family too…
A little over a month ago I gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby boy. A brother for my daughter, the so called perfect family. Then things got hard, really hard. My daughter got chicken pox and we were given all sorts of rubbish advice including sending her away for 21 days! Throw in breast refusal and engorgment, mastitis, banK card being cloned and cut off and my husband having to return to work after one short week because his company screwed up his holidays. You get the picture, it was a super rough time, a month in and things have settled slightly. We spend the last weekend in our little caravan to have a little much needed break. Monday morning I did a load of washing and then didn’t get a chance to hang it out to dry. It was raining again (it rained the day before too). I finally managed to throw it on the airers in the evening when my husband returned home from work. 
I sit down on the sofa after dishing up dinner and look up at the strings on the wall. Baby boy has recieved many many cards, not a single one from a single member of my family… It hit me like a ton of bricks. Why is it so hard to send a card? Or even a text? Yes that’s right, over a month baby boy has been here and not a single text or call from either parent (separated) I cannot begin to explain how sad this makes me, it’s been hard. So so hard and they have no idea because neither care enough to ask. 
I know one thing, I’ll always make sure I’m there for my children when they’re older. Just because they are grown up with families of their own, won’t automatically mean they’re not struggling. I am struggling, I’m struggling to understand why they don’t care enough about me to ask that I’m ok. 
So yes I am crying over the fact that it’s now rained for three days so I can’t do anymore washing, I’m covered in sick, as is my whole bed after baby brought up a whole feed as he wouldn’t part with his wind. And there’s no point stripping the bed as I can’t wash it yet because I’m still trying to get the washing dry from two days ago. 
Am I depressed? No I don’t think so, I’m most definitely sad and well within my rights to be, but I also know why I am and it seems so unfair but I can at least start working on making it better somehow. Today I’ll give up with the washing and hug my two children tight, they will never feel rejected by me.

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3 thoughts on “Struggling 

  1. cupcakemumma says:

    I’m so sorry things are difficult at the moment, I don’t understand what are family are doing, you must be very confused. I’d call them out on it as its all rather strange (unless your relationships aren’t good I obviously don’t know!)
    I can relate to the bloody weather everything is piling up here I don’t have enough space it’s driving me nuts! My 4yo has accidents or gets wet from playing and it takes up more space argh! Big hugs to you hope things improve xx

  2. chloelifeunexpected says:

    Oh send lots of hugs and love from me. I really feel for her! I can completely relate, I had very similar breastfeeding problems and my my partner went back to work after a week too. He also was doing crazy work hours and I felt so alone and isolated and really needed support, especially from my family. I am so lucky because I have my mum, but really noticed how much I also needed my dad. I always had such an good relationship with my dad, or so I thought, and since I’ve gotten older he just doesn’t bother with me at all. (My parents are separated too). My daughter is now 16 months old and my dad has seen her twice. It’s so difficult and really heartbreaking. It feels worse when you have your own children, because you couldn’t imagine never being there for them or calling them up and visiting all the time. How do parents get like this with their children? It does make you appreciate your babies all the more. I’m going to go and give my daughter a kiss now after reading this. I’m never going to make her feel this way. I really hope things get better. She just needs to think that she has her own little family now and they’re going to be so, so loved. I hope the caravan break was lovely. It sounds like it was much needed. xxxx

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