I can’t quite believe I gave birth 5 days ago now. It’s been a whirl wind already.
Today though started really disastrously. I was and still am shattered. I really couldn’t cope. J fed a lot in the night. By a lot it was every 1.5/2 hours. It was large quantities too. He was winding well, but I knew it would end in disaster. He was utterly convinced he was hungry. We had a vomit disaster this morning at 4am. I cried, he cried. It felt tough. Previous to that G’s phone went off at 1am with a work related call. That upset me. I am easily upset. All of this set me up for a bad morning. G’s alarm went off at 7, but he didn’t get up straight away, he hit snooze. That annoyed me. I decided that this morning was struggle enough without also trying to get M ready for school so kept him home. We had lovely cuddles in my bed whilst J actually slept, I dozed but M wanted to talk and to have kisses and cwtches and hugs. Next thing I knew though I had an unexpected vistor and it tipped me over the edge. Once they left M started crying, J started crying, I started crying. I phoned G asking where he was and when he would be back. He came home more or less straight away. The delivery had been and he was able to get away. He came in I cuddled him and cried in to his shoulder. He sorted M out, I sorted J out. He also sorted me out with some toast and a coffee. It was a super sunny this morning so I say out the front and decided to strip the pram down and wash it so it is ready to be used again. M helped and was over the moon to be helping me. I put the stereophonics on my phone and sang until my heart was content. My mood started to lift, my dad arrived to do some decorating as well as my Nanna and auntie C. It ended up being a fairly lovely afternoon. G was around to help out, it was lovely to see some family members as well as have some quality time with M. I ended up playing in the garden with him for half hour. We played football, and throwing the ball up in to space. He laughed so much, it was pretty nice. He’s been going through so much, it’s been a big change for him. Even though he’s amazing with J and really does love him, it must be hard for him to have to share me when previously, he had me all to himself. I guess we are all still finding our feet. It hasn’t even been a week yet. Trying to take each day as it comes, twitter has been tremendous and reminded me to stop being so hard on myself.