Today I was going about my thing amazed at how I managed to look after a baby and get a small person ready for pre school. I felt amazing for coping with it all and getting everyone ready on time.
G was taking M to pre school and then needed to pop off somewhere. I had this. I was going to sleep. J was fed and happy and seemed to want to sleep too. I couldn’t sleep. I bathed him instead knowing I could do it at our pace with no interference. It went well all things considered. He didn’t enjoy the drying but he certainly enjoyed the cuddle afterwards. It suddenly dawned on me after he was bathed and dressed and all snug that I hadn’t eaten or drank. Coffee and toast were consumed. Toast never tasted so good, but considering my day started at 0530 it was a bit late in the day to be having first food and drink… 11.30
Soon after G returned with M. He was on the rainbow in pre school so came home relatively happy and elated to tell everyone in school that J had arrived.
My mum and sister came up then to see baby J and offered to take M back with them because my other sister was going to come up after school. Perfect I thought, I can sleep. Off they went, G was outside doing some bits and bobs but the dog kept barking and yelping. G eventually took her outside with him but by that point J was fidgety and needed another feed. That’s when I cried. I cried and struggled to stop… It then dawned on me. Today is day three. Day three where the hormones dip and “baby blues” presents itself. Panic spread through me. I really am hoping it’s just the effect of hormones and tiredness and not the start of another long journey through PND.
I then proceeded to cry through out the afternoon and snap and my sister and M and anyone in between. What a horrible person. I cried because I haven’t been able to get my dad a birthday present yet. I cried because I spilled my drink. I cried because M wouldn’t give me a hug. I’ve since cried because J gorged and proceeded to throw up on me. Jeez I’ve done a lot of crying today.
So that’s days three. My back is hurting, it’s stupidly bruised from the failed epidural attempt. My hip is playing up a little and my ankles are stupidly swollen. Baby J is totally worth it and tomorrow is a brand new days. I’m just hoping I get slightly more sleep than 2 hour fitful intervals tonight. Wish me luck.