Feeling blue 

Can you tell I’m pregnant? 

My emotions are all over the shop, but this is how I’m feeling. I’m feeling down in the dumps. I’m fed up too. 

I’ve been poorly with something, won’t lie, I thought it was my body perhaps preparing for imminent labour. Wrong. 

Today I saw the midwife and came away feeling so very despondent. 

I didn’t feel listened to and felt like I was wasting time again. I had another sweep. It was once again painful. Looking at my notes though there is actually not change to my cervix from when the sweep was done last Thursday. Despite me having lost my plug and getting irregular contractions, no change. Baby isn’t even engaging or engaged. My notes say 4/5 ceph, which according to google means they can feel 4/5 of the head. 

I also ended up going to the hospital today because baby’s pattern has changed. I got told off at the hospital for not calling sooner. He was monitored. He’s fine and moving. His heart rate is good. That’s good news. 

My tummy is settling. That’s good news. I’ve managed to eat. 

I am mostly panicking now. I am so worried that I am going to end up being induced and that I’m going to go through all that trauma again. I’m worried that my body is failing yet again. I am terrified I won’t get the type of birth I want. I am a big bag of emotions at the moment. I’m wanting to hide and not leave the house now. 

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4 thoughts on “Feeling blue 

  1. Oh darling, being induced is NOT failing. It’s you being such a lovely place to be they dont want to ever leave so have to be evicted. You’re so allowed to feel down in the dumps, you’ve had a horrific pregnancy, not an easy time at all and no one will begrudge you moaning. And if they do they’re not friends. *massive hugs* the end is so near now doll and he’ll be worth it all xx

  2. I am on my 3rd trimester, 38 weeks to be exact. I didn’t have any complications so far, but I am always worried about everything. I finally mustered the guts to write about my pregnancy today on my blog. I have kept it sort of private this entire time. I commend your honesty and at least you are in touch with your feelings as well as your body. Hang in there. 🙂

    • emilygoesforit says:

      Many congratulations to you. Thanks for reading and commenting. I always try to be honest on the blog. It’s always been my place. Good luck for the rest of your pregnancy.

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