How I see myself

Today is a bad day in how I’m feeling about myself.
It’s probably a continuation on from my bad food day yesterday.
If you don’t follow on twitter you won’t know that I had a bad food day. I caved in to crisps. Naughty naughty Emily. Not just any crisps. McCoys crisps. They’re so calorie laden. Not one, but two bags and then some peanuts. Dry roasted peanuts.
I blame this entirely on breakfast, I ha a packet of alpen I wanted to try and it wasn’t as filling as the breakfast mix I’ve been having.
Anyways, back to today.
Now rational, logical Emily tells me I’m totally over reacting but I’m being irrational.
Today we had to pop to the shop or milk, I saw my reflection in the glass and I made myself feel sick. My thighs appeared to have visible shakey movement. Have you seen that episode of the Simpsons where Dr Hibbard flicks Homers tummy and Homer says “woohoo! Watch that flubber fly” I felt like that…. Only I wasn’t saying woohoo. I was retching.
Now I know that my reflection in the glass won’t have been a true reflection, but it turned my stomach. I actually made myself feel a bit sick.
I’m a size 20 on bottom and a size 16/18 on top. I’m tall so I carry my weight well. When I actually disclose how heavy I am to a trusted few I’ve been called a liar, and when I tell them my clothes size they look at me like I’m stupid… As if I don’t know the size of clothes I wear.
It’s really upset me today. I have had a little cry, as silly a reason it is to cry.
The OH told me not to let it bother me because I’m doing something about it and that it doesn’t happen over night. I appreciate that. Today is just a bad body day I suppose.


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