As you are aware I work. I work long hours.
My OH is for all intent and purposes a stay at home dad the vast majority of the time, even though we do try and parent equally.
Recently, M doesn’t seem to like me very much. When he was poorly he really did want me. He wanted kisses and cuddles. He wanted mummy and only mummy. Although it was exhausting trying to work and be there for him as much as he needed I was also struck down by tonsillitis. It was tough going.
Alas, I am better, he is better, all is well in the house. All is happy and content. Until I walk through the door. Then the screaming starts, the shouting, the hands over the ears.
Daddy has to then insist that M give mummy a kiss and a cuddle. M obliges then toddles back off to daddy for kisses and cuddles and to of course be daddy’s boy.
This is nice for G, it really is. It’s a total kick in the gut for me.
Then the guilt starts. The self loathing, the questions of being a good mum. The whole entire thing makes me feel cack.
My days off happen, M wastes in to having mummy around and to playing with mummy and doing stuff with mummy. (Until it comes to going in mummy’s car).
Before I know it I’m back in work and the whole process starts over.
Does this pass? Is this a phase or is this something I have to get used to. I don’t know how much longer it will take before I feel a wee bit broken.