Night shifts

Night shifts always throw me off. Always. The first is generally the hardest. Up all day, go to work, up all night.
Only this block of night shifts is going to be even harder. Usually after that sequence of events it’s home time, then sleep.
This won’t happen tomorrow. Oh no, what will happen tomorrow is:
Go home, wake up OH; hope and pray M stays asleep; try sleep for an hour or two; cope with sleep deprivation and looking after toddler.
Yup… Chances are I will get no sleep. Childcare is sparse so I’m having to do nights and have M in the day.
The OH is working during the day, he will be home between 3pm and 3.30pm. When he gets home I may have the opportunity to sleep for an hour, I then have to be back in work for 6.30pm. He’s also working tomorrow evening so he’s going to be tired as he’s doing splits.
I then repeat this process on Friday.
How oh how am I going to survive on such little sleep?
Why oh why do we put ourselves in suck precarious situations.
Fact: when I get run down my kidneys are the first to play up and/or lead to urinary tract infection/bladder infection/kidney infection.
What started niggling this evening? You guessed it, my kidneys. My left to be exceptionally precise. The one I have scaring on.
Wish me luck. Training is out the window the next few days.

How I see myself

Today is a bad day in how I’m feeling about myself.
It’s probably a continuation on from my bad food day yesterday.
If you don’t follow on twitter you won’t know that I had a bad food day. I caved in to crisps. Naughty naughty Emily. Not just any crisps. McCoys crisps. They’re so calorie laden. Not one, but two bags and then some peanuts. Dry roasted peanuts.
I blame this entirely on breakfast, I ha a packet of alpen I wanted to try and it wasn’t as filling as the breakfast mix I’ve been having.
Anyways, back to today.
Now rational, logical Emily tells me I’m totally over reacting but I’m being irrational.
Today we had to pop to the shop or milk, I saw my reflection in the glass and I made myself feel sick. My thighs appeared to have visible shakey movement. Have you seen that episode of the Simpsons where Dr Hibbard flicks Homers tummy and Homer says “woohoo! Watch that flubber fly” I felt like that…. Only I wasn’t saying woohoo. I was retching.
Now I know that my reflection in the glass won’t have been a true reflection, but it turned my stomach. I actually made myself feel a bit sick.
I’m a size 20 on bottom and a size 16/18 on top. I’m tall so I carry my weight well. When I actually disclose how heavy I am to a trusted few I’ve been called a liar, and when I tell them my clothes size they look at me like I’m stupid… As if I don’t know the size of clothes I wear.
It’s really upset me today. I have had a little cry, as silly a reason it is to cry.
The OH told me not to let it bother me because I’m doing something about it and that it doesn’t happen over night. I appreciate that. Today is just a bad body day I suppose.

Soup soup soup

I’ve been working days this week and unfortunately have been getting home quite late so running on the track has been impossible due to living near no street lights.
The OH has said he’s going to get me a head torch so I can train in the dark.
Anyways lack of training means I have been very good and mindful with my eating.
I made a mahoosive vat of soup on Wednesday night, it fed myself, the OH and M for 3 nights. It’s beautiful easy to make and full of goodness!

Look at it in this picture bubbling away

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Just looking at it makes me hungry.
It’s got very simple ingredients, they are: carrots, swede, potatoes and quorn chicken style chunks.

You basically make a load of vegetable stock, any will do but I like oxo.
Into the stock you put your chopped up swede and carrots.
Wait for the stock to come to the boil, add your potatoes and quorn chicken style chunks and wait for the veg to get soft.
I also add a little salt and pepper as seasoning. Done.
A very healthy meal!
We love it in our house an if I’m hones is quite happily eat it every night of the week, but the last 3 will have to do haha.
So that’s been my dinner, for breakfast I’ve been bringing in a little bowl of cornflakes mixed with all bran. Not frosties, bog standard cornflakes. I initially felt like I was eating cardboard but have come to really enjoy it. It’s also doing wonders for making me regular (too much information?) I’ve also been reading up on the qualities of bran and I’m definitely going to keep eating it!
For lunch I’ve been having a sandwich and a bag of crisps (can’t deny ones self too much).
What I’m amazed at is I haven’t been overly hungry between meals, I haven’t snacked and I’ve drank so much water I feel in constantly on the loo. So healthy eating is going in the right direction, I just need to crack a good sleeping pattern and them I’m well on my way.
One thing that helped is my moods are improving slightly but I’m putting this down to light mornings. Nothing ever feels as bad when it’s light, bright and dry.
Tomorrow is my first day off so a jog in the morning then a trip to the beach, I may make more soup because I am slightly soup obsessed!

I have only mentioned quorn chicken style chunks because as a family we are quorn obsessed. This isn’t sponsored or anything in any way shape or form. It’s just a love of a product I’m sharing

Outdoor jog in the bag

Tonight was my first outdoor jog.
It went better than I could have expected. It lasted 40 minutes. Total of 45, the 5 minutes were walking to open the gates and then close them.

You see, I live next door to my landlady, and she is a big trotting racer. She’s constructed a trotting track to train her horses on.

It’s a fair wack around an covered in sand. It’s difficult to jog on but oh dear god did it feel good!

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That’s my view and a section of the track. It felt good to get outside, the ache in my legs feels good. I feel my body has had a thorough work out. I got hot and sweaty but it didn’t seem to matter so much with the breeze.

I think I found it easier due to there being more to look at than a point on the wall.
I’ve now got the runtastic app which measures distance and time so I shall use that the next time.

I’m feeling damn good!
Here have a picture of my flushed face!

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Motivation is my key

£75 raised so far!

Wahoo!!!! ūüėÄ amazing right?

People have sponsored me money to do this 5K!!!

I am going to do this for so many reasons

let’s kick cancers butt

If you’d like to sponsor me you can do so in a number of ways

visithttp://www.justgiving.com/emilyamorgan
text QFRN97 and the amount you’d like to sponsor to 70070

Any amount you can spare would be greatly appreciated, cancer affects more than 1 in 3 people during their lifetime.
More than 331,000 people in the UK were diagnosed with cancer in 2011, that’s a staggering 910 people every day, every day

£10 buys enough glass slides to examine 500 tumour samples
¬£50 kits out two scientists with protective gear when they’re using dangerous chemicals
£75 buys around 900 specially designed tubes to preserve precious samples at -80degrees
£100 pays for one woman in a trial to improve breast cancer survival

all statistics are from http://www.cruk.org and raceforlife.cancerresearchuk.org

This is making all the achy muscles worth it

This is my motivation

Things I have learnt

Things I have learnt this week

1. Stretching really does help
2. People around you are very encouraging
3. The Sun really helps
4. Baths are still my best friend
5. A challenge is good for me

Distance completed: 9 miles
Feelings: Got a bit ropey towards the end of the week, but I’m determined to stay positive and stay focused

Thoughts of the week: Just keep moving and keep on going.

Changing perspective

When Aunt Flo arrives I get crippling pain.
She arrived this afternoon. I felt horrid and still feel pretty awful.
I’ve never ever coped well with it.
I have had to come in to work, it’s my turn to do outside so I have the patrols to do. It’s a good 30 minute walk to do the patrols and I’ve completed the first one now just. I feel refreshed. Still a little headachy but generally alright. The walk was welcomed by my body, in fact I’d say it craved it.

Considering I’ve only been training a little over a week my body is slowly really wanting to do it. Feeling bad if it doesn’t. My body is adjusting to the dietary changes, nothing is restricted but everything in moderation.

I’m feeling really quite happy that I’ve decided to do this challenge, it’s giving me so much focus. Focus I need.
Mind over matter.

Looking at me berating myself for only doing half the distance yesterday, I’m feeling differently about it today. I’m pleased I went, pleased I forced myself to go and my body to move. It’s better to do something than nothing at all and considering how awful I am when it’s the monthly visit from that wonderful Aunt we know and love, I’m proud of my ability to plough on.