This post was originally posted on my other blog. I am going to be closing down that blog and focussing entirely on this one. This is one of my all time favorite posts of mine, it’s still ever relevant and it captures what I want to say to some new friends I have made since this was originally posted.
Last night when in bed I kept thinking of friendships as luminous pieces of string that connect people together. These pieces of string sometimes fray, sometimes have a knot tied in them and can sometimes totally snap all together.
I have friends and acquaintances and I have about five people that are truly special to me.
I imagine the five I’m really close to, to have strings of multicolour, with glitter and stars, little pictures of gin on them, music strands entwined, laughter sprinkled on. These strings are more bulky, almost rope like. They’re strong, durable, always there… Lifelines so to speak. Of these five I see non of them (bar number five) on a regular basis. We are all in different places, not just geographically, but in life. Only one of these beauties has the motherhood belt on them. She’s wonderful, in fact we haven’t seen each other since June 2010. We text almost everyday. We’ve known each other between five and six years but she’s one of the best. There are many beautiful colours to this rope. Many hilarious stories and more than a few silly moments haha.
Another one of these beauties is a teacher. She’s well, she’s my rock. We went through a time of not speaking, not for any other reason than uni, but it meant nothing. In fact it was as if it never happened. We don’t speak every day, we don’t message on a regular basis, we see each other if she comes home, but I know without a shadow of a doubt she would be there for me no matter what. This rope is full of earthy colours, many beautiful shades of green, she’s dependable and Mother Earth like.
The third of these beauties works ridiculously hard, has been through a lot, is an incredibly beautiful person and another person I can count of for absolutely anything at all. She’s one of those friends that take me back to my gin drinking, dancing, prancing days. We haven’t seen each other in a while but when we do it’s magical and like we have never ever been apart. This rope is the rainbow. She represents everything because she’s seen everything.
The fourth of these special individuals is up north and again I haven’t seen her since June 2010. She’s petite, bubbly, smiley and all round awesome. She’s probably the one friend I am the crapest at being in contact with. I am so incredibly proud of her, and everything she is achieving. This rope to me is glittery, sparkly, fashion riddled, with strands of music thrown in for good measure.
Number five, is my other half. He was one of my best friends before we got together. He still is one of my best friends. This strand of rope is so many colours wrapped into one. So intricate, beautiful and sometimes fragile and frayed. The colours of this strand are the most incredible. It’s what makes it beautiful and fragile. The strongest and the one that keeps me firmly on the ground.
If you’ve read this much, well done, there is a point. These are the strongest of my strings.
There are other strings too, some are getting a lot stronger, adding to them every day. Friends that have been newly created and grown upon. Friends who are quite possibly the most amazing couple I’ve ever come across. Friends who I know, in time will be number six and seven.
Others unfortunately, have snapped, frayed beyond repair. Yet they’re still a part of me. I carry them along with me, in a little patchwork of pain, upset, guilt, confusion. This quilt is dark blue, with streaks of silver. There are big strands of black and some strands of red. It’s unusual and a confusing thing to look at.
These friendships, partnership… These fragile bits of string, they can either be strengthened and built upon or you sometimes have to cut them.
I’ve been thinking a lot recently because of things that have been going on, and the sometimes overwhelming crushing loneliness and sadness that can grip me. It’s tough because I often delve into the past. Past conversations, situations, reliving the moments that have hurt with these bits of string that have now become a little patchwork quilt. This quilt although small can be suffocating and causes nightmares, or nights of fitful sleep at being unable to let go.
Last night I started to imagine my friendships as lifelines.. Luminous colourful bits of string and rope. Lifelines that hold me down, ground me, make me feel safe and secure.
Last night I metaphorically speaking ,decided to throw the patchwork quilt away. Why hold on to so much pain, hurt and confusion?
I am thankful for my luminous, sparkly, colourful, laughter filled, gin addled lifelines. I am enjoying the developing friendships I now have and the memory strands that can be added to the strength of my ties.
I imagined my friendships as luminous colourful strands that are anchoring me down and it’s made me feel safe.
Thank you to my five ropes and my many luminous strands. Without you lot I’m not very good. Thank you for being you. I’m stupidly proud of all of you and so pleased I can call you best friends/friends/drinking buddies. You’re amazing.