Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery…

Yesterday I busied myself with baking and cooking and cleaning. I managed to get through another day.
A week ago today at 3.43pm I started to bleed a little. It didn’t really concern me, I had a slight bleed when I was pregnant with M. I phoned the OH and told him, he told me not to panic, it was probably similar to what happened before. I carried on with work, the bleeding appeared to stop. I breathed a sigh of relief, until I got him.
It was back, not overly concerning, no real pain, I called NHS direct for advice they told me to call out of hours.
I called out of hours, they told me there wasn’t really a lot they could do with it being 8.30pm, if it was to get worse for whatever reason I was to go to A and E.
1.00am I woke and I knew. The pain was intensifying. I popped to the loo and it was red. Blood red. Fresh blood. I panicked, but I knew. By 6am I was in horrific pain, I had been awake most of the night, too afraid to wake the OH up. I must have dozed off because when I woke OH wasn’t there. I phoned him, I told him what was happening and he came home within the hour. Mum was called she was going to look after M. At 9.00am I passed a clot… I knew things weren’t going to end well. We got to A and E at 10.00am, by 10.20am I was seen and I’d passed another clot, this one was different though. The clot was my baby. It was gone. I was no longer pregnant. A long 3 hours took place on the ward and I was allowed home. Allowed home because I wasn’t pregnant and there was nothing that could be done.

It was all done and dusted, as easy as that.
Yesterday I stopped bleeding. It was all over. Physically it is all over.
Emotionally it isn’t, but physically it is.
It’s an odd thing. It’s an odd feeling. Today I wanting to go out and take M to the beach or to go play with his football. Today I want to get active and start working on my mental well being. Today is when I’m going to make a conscious effort to try feel better mentally.
Today will start with a trip to the doctors.
Today will start my recovery!

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