Adrenalin

Adrenalin… I am a raging bag of adrenalin today. I have so much I am shaking.

Anger is turning in to adrenalin. I want to run, I want to go boxing, I want to scream!!!

I am hurt, I am hurting, I am so ******* cross!! I can’t help it. I am seething red. If you could see my aura it would be deep blood red.

Deep blood red…. rather ******* symbolic.

Thing is, I can’t run, I can’t go kick and punch a bloody punching bag because I have to let myself ******* heal.

I have to heal. I have to let the scars die down. It’s still very raw.

I am pissed off at so many different people.

I am pissed off at myself. I want to run away. I want to hide. I want to run until I can’t physically run anymore and I am crumbled heap. I want to run out the hurt, the pain, the anger, the frustration, the blame.
I want this feeling of adrenalin to do one! I don’t want to be shaking with anger or as I am calling it, adrenalin. I don’t want to get angry and bite back on the phone. I want to be normal, I want to be Emily. I want to be myself again. I feel so bloody empty. So empty. My life isn’t empty. Yet…. I want to run away.

I don’t want to cry angry, burning, scolding tears. I want to be happy, I want to be joyous, I want happy endorphins, but I am not even allowed those at the moment.

I wanted this baby. Now, sweet pea is no more.

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