How did you get so fat?

Well my friends, it’s a cumulation of a lot of things really.
I’ve always looked at food for comfort when I’m down, I’ve also looked at food to celebrate a joyous occasion.
I’ve always had an empty hole I’ve tried to fill with food.
I was bullied when I was younger over my size by a lad I will never forget. That happened in year 7 of secondary school.
That didn’t help, I just ate and ate and ate. Stupid really, you’d have thought it would have had the opposite effect.
There have been several moments in my life where I could have either turned my back on food as a sense of control, but I over ate instead and found control in the form of self harm.
Then I lost weight!
I put my mind to it and lost weight. Moved home, stayed on track. Fell in love, put a little on, lost weight felt great then fell pregnant.
I actually only put on half a stone when I was pregnant, and considering M was 9lb14oz I was technically lighter. My jeans went on no problem. Then the snacking started trying to fit around a small babies schedule. Then the post natal depression took hold. Hello food.
And here we are. M is going to be 2 in November so I can hardly blame baby weight anymore.
I am the heaviest I have ever been. I feel heavy and change is coming.
I don’t want to be a super model. I want to be comfortable. I want to be happy and I want to be able to go in to a shop and buy a pair of jeans off the shelf without worrying they won’t have my size because I’m too big.

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